Carlo

 Waking up begins with ‘am’ and ‘now’. For the past days waking up has actually been hurting. The cold realization that I am still here thinking about him slowly sets in. I was never good in waking up. I was never one to jump out of bed and greet the day with a smile unlike him.

I took the photo -one of those days we were strolling.

 I remember I would want to punch him or humour his amiable existence whenever I get pass by him at work for being so happy. In my mind I thought that only fools cold possibly escape bitter realities. But perhaps he was never bitter.

I also have told him that I used not to know him like that being so attractive and refine. He wasn’t that much admirable like when I first met him. He used to be so aloof or atleast that’s how I saw him the first time.

 As time goes, I have grown fond of him. I’ve began to emulate his philosophies and I’ve started liking what he loved doing. From there I knew he was a dreamer. His ideas are modern and wise. Most times, he thinks too deeply and is annoyingly quiet.

 I’ve began seeing another kind of beauty in living being with him. It was nothing but happier. Not that we were together or that we were soulfully attached but we were tight. Sometimes I thought I was losing it –my sanity. I knew I could never really care for him that much. After all, he’s a guy –a married one. But that’s probably the most thing that I adored about him, being such a good father.

 But the past days were such a calling. I don’t know. And I wouldn’t really know. I’ve seen signs of his caress but it outweighed the very fact that it may not be for me. I realized that I may have been alone on this. And actually, I know I’ve always been alone. It’s just that when he came I imagined I had another soul.

 He drifted away.

 I guess I am writing this because I wanted to keep him as part of the good memories. For people like me who sails through life; this kind of affection may come once or twice in a lifetime if I am lucky.    

 I could never make moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I've lived my life with these moments. Though they pull me back to the present and I realized that everything is exactly the way it's meant to be. I could care less about what I truly feel but I thought caring afterall is a beautiful thing. I guess this time I just have to echo back differently. For whatever its worth, what I have gathered are wonderful thoughts and I'll keep 'em here in my heart forever.