Breaking the Mourn

Let's be clear:
Life being a joyous gift has an ending. Defining life at the very least is a mystery. And to fully embrace it, we must always be prepared of its surprises.

But do we ever get over life's trials? Does life really loses meaning? That so, can we fairly yield?

I dont know why I find it really helpful to vent my emotions out in the open here on Facebook. The past weeks for me have been a series of tests; mostly were hard questions of life, acceptance and understanding. My dad's passing, the very thing that sent me back home, triggered the weak part of my being and have also awakened some fears I have been hiding.

I thought I couldnt pass through it. I know that what happened to me wasnt some extra ordinary ordeal. It's nature. But going through with it was the deepest pain I have ever felt. For me, it was an enormous mental distress that could have led me to losing everything I have ever hoped for. The inevitable suffering made me deranged for a while. I was lost and pessimistic. I went crazy.

I still can recall how deliriously agitated I was seeing everyone around me living jestfully while I have to be at pace with my bitter semblance. And whenever I remember the fine memories I had with him, I get to wonder that maybe he has not left us yet; that I may still see him. Like how my friends see me, I, too thought that I knew things better. That I could find myself whatever answer I was looking for. That I could just hang around alone by the side believing that my heart would know how to comfort itself. But that was never the case. Instead, I begun to mock my astute perception one that I unceasingly deemed to atleast bring me some sense.

So how do I move on?

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first published on flyingburger.blogspot.com and facebook on Nov. 12, 2012